Fatherhood. There’s nothing quite like it. It will take to new heights and bring you to your knees—sometimes all in the same day. I am blessed to be the father to three children who all made it successfully to adulthood. I suppose they learned something from me. I know I learned a lot from them. Here’s my top ten.
10. Don’t send your teen to debate camp. It’s throwing gasoline on fire, spitting into the wind, poking your eye out with a stick and all those other things your mother told you not to do. Teens do not need help on how to argue. This idea has “bad” written all over it. Stay away from it.
9. Don’t send your teen back to debate camp for a second year. Stop laughing—this is more subtle than you think! I was talked into it. It was only after the fact that it occurred to me that talking your parents into a second year of debate camp was the assignment given at the close of first year camp.
8. Under no circumstances should you send your teenage daughter to the store with your credit card with the 2nd grader and 5th grader she is watching during the summer. It doesn’t work—even though I gave the 2nd and 5th graders explicit instructions for supervising her.
7. Try to use the phrase, grounded for life, sparingly. This goes to credibility. Since you’re not going to do this, you really need to save it for those moments serious enough that your child thinks there is a chance you might actually mean it.
6. When teaching your teen how to drive, under no circumstances should you sarcastically respond, “That’s right, the skinny pedal is the brake and the fat one is the gas.” Even though they’ve already had a few driving lessons or have been to debate camp for two years, this is not a good idea—especially if you’re in the car at the time.
5. Speaking of cars, don’t unilaterally do something for your teen (read: buy them a car), that they can be involved in. For some it’s a real temptation to arrange for something spectacular to show up in the driveway. But you must resist the urge to build your self-esteem at the expense of theirs. Don’t rob them of the valuable sense of achievement that comes from accomplishing something difficult—you’ll just be postponing adulthood. It’s the “Give a person a fish, they eat for a day; teach a person to fish, they eat for a lifetime” principle. If they’re old enough to have a car, they are old enough to take some financial responsibility for it. Think of it like an AP class in financial responsibility.
4. Freely admit your mistakes. This goes to credibility as well, because our children sometimes see our mistakes before we do. Admitting we’re wrong gives them confidence and assurance that even though we mess up from time to time, provides them with a model for admitting theirs. This is important because people spend way too much time in denial.
3. Freely forgive. When our children were at home, if someone asked for forgiveness you had to forgive them. That was just the way it was. You didn’t have to like it, feel like it, or whatever—you just had to forgive them and move on. We learned this from God because He freely forgives us when we seek it from Him.
2. Count your blessings. Three of my greatest blessings are named Amy, Nathan, and Laura. Really, is there anything you’re going to do that’s more important than your children? If you could choose your legacy, could you come up with something better than having children made in the image of you and your spouse to carry on with their families after you’re gone?
1. Celebrate God’s goodness. Being an earthly father has helped me to better understand, not just my parents, but my Heavenly Father. I’ve learned what it is like to love unconditionally someone created in your image. I’ve learned what it is like to watch them stumble, struggle, succeed, fail, grow and love. I’ve watched God take my feeble parenting efforts and make something wonderful out of them. I’ve learned (again) how good God is.
Happy Father’s Day!
A Taste of Grace with Bruce Green 